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julisuz [userpic]

my attempt at e.e. cummings (also on myspace)

June 18th, 2006 (11:50 pm)
tired

current mood: tired

a creative writing assignment that i found from 3 years ago, attempting to emulate a favorite poet:

the evenings i spend (sitting Here

-alone)not alone

indeed! i have, smelled the mourning air.

your sun inflates my life:days at a time

i...

wander

wallow

linger

often and on

i am sitting (not alone) again

julisuz [userpic]

a real post

June 18th, 2006 (11:45 pm)
thoughtful

current mood: thoughtful

so i haven't posted since the wedding, but everything went really, really well. all of my friends and family were so tremendous in everything that they did for us. the honeymoon was perfect, i wish we were still there. here's some cool things about aruba:
1) the people are incredibly friendly
2) the water is clean, CLEAN. they have the 2nd best water purification plant in the world, so their tap water tastes better than our bottled water.
3) the food is amazing
4) everyday it's in the 80's-90's but there's always a breeze, so it's never HOT.
5) the island is only 19 miles at it's longest point and 6 miles and it's widest.
6) it's a fucking ISLAND in the CARRIBEAN. enough said.
so now we're finishing last minute apartment stuffs and just settling in. so far, married life is pretty good. not a huge "holy crap, i'm married" feeling. but something new.

julisuz [userpic]

my celebrity itunes playlist, also on myspace

June 18th, 2006 (11:44 pm)
thoughtful

current mood: thoughtful

so i'm very bored and i decided to make my own "celebrity" itunes playlist. y'know how celebrities pick 10-20ish of their favorite songs to put on an itunes playlist and they explain why they picked each song? well, bored/lame/self-indulgent me is going to do the same. so get ready. major dorkdom:
1. the libertines "music when the lights go out"
~tim hates this song, but i totally love it. when the chorus kicks in, i go crazy. i just love it.
2. the rolling stones "paint it black"
~i REALLY go crazy with this song, i can totally relate to that feeling. this song makes me want to dance around in a frantic circle. when i was an extra in "5-25-77" i played this song everyday on the way to the set and it put me in a very fearless mood.
3. weezer "tired of sex"
~when he screams, i just love it. great song.
4. fiona apple "get him back"
~i can totally relate to doing the wrong thing in relationships. if i had any kind of a voice, i would sing her songs more than just in the privacy of my car. i adore her.
5. david grey "freedom"
~the end of this song kills me. it's so emotional to me, and such a release.
6. kelly clarkson "since u been gone"
~i love love LOVE her and i could've picked any of her songs, but this one will stay with me for quite awhile. such an amazing voice.
7. paul simon "me and julio"
~this is currently on my profile, i just love the fun in this song, and the royal tenenbaums is one of my all time favorite movies.
8. johnny cash/joaquin phoenix/chris daughtry "walk the line"
~i put all 3 renditions up because i love them all. it would take a tremendous butchering of this song for me to hate it. chris daughtry is pure magic.
9. the smiths "hand in glove"
~i love the smiths, morrisey totally makes me smile. this song has a great hook.
10. donna summer "don't leave me this way"
~speaking of great hooks, man is this song joy! i sing it at the top of my lungs, such a great song to feel like a woman. love her.
11. roper "day of pigs"
~reese is a hero. the best voice, the greatest lyrics. an idol.
12. anna nalick "paper bag"
~she has great lyrics as well, and this is such a fun song to sing.
13. relient k "what to bury, us or the hatchet"
~i love how he sings this song. it is so personal, so emotional and raw.
14. oasis "supersonic"
~another song that has stuck with me. makes me want to dance. i used to listen to this everyday on the bus on the way to school freshman year of high school. it put me in a great mood.
15. kevin spacey "mack the knife"
~yes, yes, i love the original bobby darin version but kevin spacey has such a great voice and threw his own personality into it, such a fun song. one that i must listen to more than once.
16. fiona apple "never is a promise"
~a beautiful song, i love her voice and personal lyrics. as much as i know i'm not the greatest singer, i cannot listen to this song and not sing it.
17. kt turnstall "black horse and the cherry tree"
~a fun song. another dancing song.
18. the arcade fire "neighborhood #1 (tunnels)"
~this one used to be on my profile, such a cool song. i love music like this. it feels like me. mellow and joyful at the same time, that's me.
19. joaquin phoenix and reese witherspoon "it aint me, babe"
~i just love this version. one of my favorite movies, they are so wonderful and this song is so fun. i admit that i sing both parts when i sing it :) more dorkdom!
20. elton john "my father's gun"
~oh, what a song. i really like some of his music, and this song totally gets me.

julisuz [userpic]

my hand is really going to hurt after this one.

April 2nd, 2006 (04:00 pm)
tired

current mood: tired
current song: beautiful disaster

so it's been a looong time since i've really posted anything, and unfortunately, my first substantial post in a long time will be a fierce rant about my parents. so here goes:
on friday night, i drove straight from a 45 hour work week where we were (too much alliteration, i apologize) learned how to make all the cafe drinks and such. very long, very hard, fun, but looong and exhausting. i was TIRED. and driving 2 hours to grayslake directly after work didn't help things. at least my best friend erin came with me, otherwise, i'd be sleeping on the side of the road. so i get to my parent's house, and it's about 8pm or so, and the whole reason why i even came up there was for a dress fitting for 2 of my bridesmaids which was scheduled at 11am saturday. pretty much right when i get to the house, my dad tells me that i need to wake up at 8am on saturday because (since i haven't had medical insurance since january which my mom and i both knew but apparently my dad didn't although it's his insurance that we used, go figure) he payed for a temporary coverage plan for 3 months and i needed to go to the guy's office in waukegan (20 or so minutes away) before noon. but my dad had an appointment at 10, so we had to leave early. here are my problems with my dad's generous decision to pay for this temporary coverage:
1) starting may 1st, i'm covered by my new job.
2) i didn't ask him to do this for me.
3) i was not about to wake up at 8am for something that i didn't want to do.
oh well, bla bla bla yada yada yada, i said i'll do it. he paid for it, whatever. whatever will shut him up. okay, so i'm talking to both my parents in their basement, me and my mom on the couch, my dad on the chair. after awhile, we get on the topic of my impending wedding showers. the first of which being at their church in april. my mom says something to the effect of, "you can't wear jeans. you have to wear a skirt." okay...yeah...thanks for that bit of info. brush it off, whatever. "yeah, i know", i say back. she then tells me again and again that i need to look nice or whatever, me replying each time that i understand and will do so. trying not to get offended. but then my patience ended. "does the fact that in less than 2 months i'll be someone's wife not make me an adult to you? i'm just wondering. at what point am i an adult to you?", i say, very proud of myself for not releasing my emotions earlier on. they both then tell me that, yes, i'm an adult, but they want me to know what to dress like, my mom asking me, "how many church showers have you been to?" very condescending tone. "uh, none, but i know how to dress", i reply. my dad then proceeds to go into his very tiresome and, might i add, insulting, lecture about dressing for success and how he's talked to tim about this (the rest of the conversation now being about how tim dresses). okay, whatever, i'll listen again and again to the same annoying shit until my ears bleed because you're my dad and i love you. fine. but it started to get a little old after 20 minutes or so, so i think i said something like, "can we please not talk about this? i'm sorry, i'm just really tired from my long week and i'd rather not spend my time with you talking about this". my mom then turns to me and says, "oh we're talking about it". what?!? why?!?! i have only one fucking night to spend with you and this is how you want to spend it? what the hell for? just to piss me off and make me really REALLY appreciate what it's like to not live with my parents anymore? "this is because we love you and care about you", she tells me. "well if that's true do you also care about me enough to please stop talking about this because it's really making me angry", i say. my dad then throws up his arms, flustered, and says something like, "you know, fine, fine. we're done. i can't get through to you. so fine, we're done." YES, i'm thinking, it's about damn time. then my mom starts up again, this time it's all about tim's pants or something, how they're dirty, bla bla, then she says this gem, "pretty soon you're going to be his mate and as his wife it's your responsibility to make sure he looks nice and doesn't leave the house looking ragged". AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH....
so then i say, "why is it my job? why can't he do that for himself?" this gets my dad very VERY frustrated, arms flying up, "you know what, Jill, we can't get through to her, so what's the point?"
yeay, it's done.
nope.
not nearly.
my mom starts up again about tim, same shit, worse and worse. so i get to the point where i say, "i'm just going to go up and go to bed because it's late and i'm tired, and i DON'T want to talk about this". "oh no you are not going up", my mom says. "what are you going to do?" i ask, "what can you do?".
it goes on and on this way, now i say that instead of going up to bed that i'm going to drive back home to dekalb. "what about tomorrow?", my mom asks. i tell her that i don't need to be there for that, which gets her going good. (side note: my mom gets very angry when i mess around with wedding stuff. PS: it's my fucking wedding. mine and tim's. not mine, tim's, and jill's. just a reminder)
so then my dad is saying some shit about how he knows that tim is very very smart but if tim keeps dressing the way he does then i'm going to suffer because tim won't make money. that's my paraphrase, but it's basically his point. and how he has a friend who is "a really nice guy" but dresses poorly and now he's not making a lot of money or something. he also has the audasity to say that he's "gotten comments" about tim's dressing. i say, "it's a good thing that tim isn't going to spend much time with those people then". i mostly sat with my eyes focused on the floor, or anywhere not directed at either of my parents and shook my head back and forth. "i'm just going back to dekalb". "no you're not, you need to respect us", my mom says. "what about respecting me?", i ask. "i'm your daughter and i'm sitting here begging you to not talk about this anymore". nothing. still talking on and on like robots. then my dad makes a mistake.
he whips out this bible verse, proverbs something, and it's basically saying that you can give someone advice but if they choose not to use it then they will pay consequences. i wish that tim was able to communicate with me at that time, because later, he reminded me of a passage in matthew that my dad needs to read:
Matthew 6
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will WEAR. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than CLOTHES? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

28"And why do you worry about CLOTHES? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was DRESSED like one of these. 30If that is how God CLOTHES the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we WEAR?' 32For the PAGANS run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.~


like it would make a difference. the bottom line: my parents are too set in their ways to change. ever.
so back and forth, back and forth, until a final time i say that i'm going to dekalb and my dad throws up his arms, stands up and says, "why do i bother? why do i bother with the insurance? why do i bother at all?" and goes upstairs.
FINALLY
the funny thing is, i tell my mom now that i'm proud of how i handled myself, very calm, and the key thing is, very HONEST. i told them how upset i was, up front, which i didn't used to do. and i was calm because of it. very free. my mom then says, "good" in a sincere way, meaning that she probably didn't understand what i was saying.
i told my mom that if things got worse, both sides (my parents vs me and tim) would both have a lot to lose financially. tim and i would have to pay for our wedding, and my parents would lose their deposits. i threaten her with this. she tells me not to tell my dad, i won't, but i mean it. don't push me too far.
i'm at the point where i'm very grateful for all that my parents have done for me, which is A LOT. but at what point when all that is held over your head can you feel like, "i don't care anymore"? which is how i feel. i don't care. don't care. thank you very much, but i don't care.
so that's that. i don't care. soon i'll start my new family, and i love my parents, and understand that they simply do not know better, but that's it. i don't care. done.

julisuz [userpic]

a love, overdue update

March 3rd, 2006 (06:18 pm)
chipper

current mood: chipper
current song: mad world~original version

1. i've started packing up my room for when i "officially" move in with tim, i'm finding just how many piles and piles of clothes i have and i feel so horrible since i don't wear most of them. i think i'll give them away to people who need them, and will actually wear them.
2. i'm not doing partylite until after the wedding, too much stuff to do right now to think about that.
3. stuff to do: plan bachelorette party, showers, start my new job at borders, pack/move, get last-minute wedding details together. too much stuff!!
4. i start at borders in a little over a week. i'm excited to be a barista, although i'm kinda nervous about making mistakes while making people's coffee but hey, it can't be that hard, and i really very muchly need fundage. that's right, i said fundage.
5. i really have to pee.
6. i rented "domino" last night. don't see it. kiera knightley pouts her way through one-liners and a plot that is drastically without. the pro: a bonus feature documentary on the real domino harvey with interviews with her. that should have been the movie.
7. i sold all my surprise parties shit on ebay. so some lucky woman in South Carolina is gonna get a nice big box o'sex toys. fun fun.
8. i can't wait for the oscars. it's my superbowl. i get that excited, jumping and screaming and stuff. i LOVE it. can't wait. go reese witherspoon.

julisuz [userpic]

wedding website

February 16th, 2006 (08:43 pm)
cold

current mood: cold
current song: ashlee simpson

we have one on theknot.com but i like this one better:http://suziandtim.weddings.com
Image hosting by Photobucket

julisuz [userpic]

yeah. do it.

February 16th, 2006 (08:38 pm)

http://kevan.org/johari?name=julisuz

julisuz [userpic]

bored.

February 12th, 2006 (07:53 pm)
cold

current mood: cold
current song: paint it black

130 Things People Want To Know About You
.: The Basics :.
Name?:suzi
Age?:22
Gender?:female
Location?:dekalb, il, land of lots o' corn
Hair color?:reddish brown
Eye color?:blue/green with yellow around the pupils
shoe size?:10-10 1/2
height?:5'9
interests::movies, shopping, singing, writing, poetry, animals
.: Favourites :.
food:chinese, sandwiches, italian
drink:non-drunky~green tea, drunky~daquiris, june bug
music style:oh man...i like different stuff, but NO COUNTRY
music artist/band:fif, roper, brave st saturn, kelly clarkson, ashlee simpson, fiona apple, relient k, dead poetic, metallica
tv show:that are on~24, family guy, alias, the simpsons, lost, scrubs. that are gone (rip)~buffy, friends, sex and the city, futurama, seinfeld
movie:the nightmare before christmas, sin city, kill bill, in her shoes, tommy boy, donnie darko, harry potter(s), walk the line, closer, mr and mrs smith, the royal tenenbaums
thing to do:watch movies, eat food, talk with friends, shop!!
ice cream:choc chip cookie dough
colour:fuschia, blue, green
song:oh geez...too many
book:how to make love like a porn star, shakespeare plays, poems, and sonnets, poetry (sorry not a lot of novels hit me)
computer game:i liked playing online pool with tim when he was in waukegan
board game:scene it
dessert:eclair cake!!
quote:"mine the darkness and see by the path you leave behind" my next tattoo!!
animal:dogs, lions, sharks
holiday:x mas
number:2
name:kayli
.: Friendship :.:
who's your best friend?:tim, erin
other close buddies...?:mike, mary, brian, laura, jacquelyn, heather, daniel, robert, brandon
last friend you hung out with:erin
last friend you hugged:tim
last friend you saw a movie with:erin
last friend's house you went to:mary/brian
any friends you cant stand?:ya right
any friends you've regretted becoming friends with?:uh huh
if so, who?:nope!
do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex?:yes
most annoying friend?:nope!
most preppy friend?:i don't like these
darkest friend?:cos i hate labeling my friends
hyper-est friend?:and i can't really tell anyways
nicest friend?:who's the hyper-est
funniest friend?:which isn't a word
meanest friend?:by the way
most outgoing friend?:and i would never say
shyest friend?:who's the meanest
hottest friend?:that's just stupid
friend with the best personality?:come on
friend with the best music taste?:me!
friend who sings the best?:tim
friend who laughs the most?:erin
friend you enjoy being around the most?:uh huh
friend who your parents love?:most of them
friend who your parents hate?:none of them
friend your parents don't know about?:none
.: Romance :.
got a crush/boyfriend?:fiance
if so, what gender?:male
name?:tim
how far have you gone?:all the way :)
with who?:tim
the last person you kissed::tim
the last person you hugged::tim
the last person you wanted to kiss::tim
how far you do want to go (at this point in life)?:eh?
hottest friend?:ya right
hottest celebrity?:KIEFER, johnny depp
if you could date any famous person, who would it be?:kiefer, although he'd probably cheat on me
dream date::tim
dream honeymoon::tim, aruba (my honeymoon)
age you want to get married (if not already):22
number of kids you want to have (if not already):2
straight?:yes
gay?:no
bi?:no
would you rather your boyfriend/girlfriend be gay or bi?:no
.: This or That :.
Kerry or Bush:kerry, but he's the lesser of 2 evils
rap or rock:rock
pop or country:pop
movie or tv show:movie
girl or guy:eh
fire or water:water
death or life:uh...ya
cheerleader or punk:dumb
prep or jock:dumb
kroger or publix:eh?
walmart or target:target
avril or jay-z:eeek
pink or black:black
cheez it or cheese nip:it
cat or dog:dog
tape or glue:tape
msn or aim:yahoo
mall or movies:movies
writing or typing:writing
phone or computer:computer
baseball or football:baseball
p.e. or health:health
high school or middle school:high school
dunkin donuts or starbucks:starbucks
amc or united artists:eh?
walgreens or CVS:walgreens
brownies or cookies:cookies
reading or writing:writing
surveys or polls:surveys
livejournal or xanga:livejournal
Yellowcard or Ashlee Simpson:ashlee simpson
AFI or Jojo:eh?
Green Day or Beastie Boys:green day
kill or be killed:kill
eat or be eaten:eat
hate or be hated:hate
ocean or pool:pool, i'm scared of sharks but i love them
singing or dancing:singing
heart or peace sign:heart
halloween or christmas:x mas
question or answer:answer
fear factor or the o.c.:eek
the simpsons or who's line is it anyway?:the simpsons
Disney or The N:noggin!!
pancakes or waffles:pancakes
strawberrys or blueberrys:strawberries
yogurt or frozen yogurt:frozen
kiss or hug:put your hands together
guitar or drums:guitar
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julisuz [userpic]

if you ask if i'd like cheese with that wine i'll kick your ass, not cos it's mean, cos you suck

February 12th, 2006 (07:16 pm)
cold

current mood: i'm always so fucking cold
current song: hey ya

oh it is positively freezing in this room everytime i enter it.

so tomorrow i have a job interview, which, if all goes well, will negate my current job and therefore provide me with both a more comfortable driving distance and a more fun job. i don't mean to sound like a priss, but i really fucking hate my job. it's tangible things though, such as being told that i'll make $8/hr and then having someone say "y'know what, i'm gonna put you at $7.50 and then we'll see". what the fuck is that? don't tell me that i'll make $8/hr (which, not to toot my own horn, but i'm worth more than that since i have a lot of experience and the ability to do this job way better than most other people) and then change it on me. i wouldn't care as much, but i've spent $50 on gas this past week. so yeah, that blows.

hopefully tomorrow will make it better, even though my dad thinks that i have the "reputation as a job-hopper" as he put it. ok, i know he's coming from the business world, where, yes, 2 years at one place, then 6 months at another and a summer at a third looks like a "job hopper" but hello?! i'm not applying for a fucking business job!! in my world, the world of retail and salon/spas, this is a lot of experience. but whatever. i'm slowly starting to gain the vision that my dad will never understand me, and so i should just humor him and love him for who he is. and try to talk with him as little as possible.

the biggest burden for me right now is what it always is: money. i have so much shit to buy in the next 3 months before my wedding, and then after that, i have to start paying rent for the first time in my life. whine, whine, i know. but this is a first for me. it's gonna be difficult. especially since i want to go to beauty school full time so i can get my esthetician license and start a career. i'm sick of retail. it's a means to an end for me. and i hope the end is near. that sounded kind of cryptic...

so whine, whine, i know. that's all i do on here anyways. but hey, it's better than complaining in person to everyone without the will or the balls to tell me to shut the fuck up. not that that's a problem for most people. maybe that's why i whine online, so that no one will have to tell me to shut the fuck up. well that was a brilliant deduction, now wasn't it? just as astounding as realizing that snow is water. blah.

it's too damn cold in here.

julisuz [userpic]

quick update (as others have done, now i will as well)

February 6th, 2006 (07:40 pm)
cold

current mood: cold
current song: relient k-down in flames

1) i got a new job working at a salon/spa in geneva, which is about 1/2 hour away from dekalb. it's a nice place, but (as with all my previous jobs) i don't really like it. i'm starting to think it's not the jobs, but me. hmmm...any thoughts on that are welcomed.
2) along with this new job comes a new, or rather old but re-emerged (is that a word?) idea. perhaps i will go to beauty school and become an esthetician like i wanted to 4 years ago now that i have unwillingly provided myself with such an opportunity of time. of course, this would either delay or derail any muddled plans of returning to NIU. thoughts, again welcomed.
3) i'm very very cold right now.
4) i don't have a scale, but i'd wager that i've lost at least a pound or two this past week after having started loosely following weight watchers. *funny side story:i thought my mom had told me that the new books require EVERYONE to follow 20 points a day, when it was really just my weight group, and so my poor 6 ft. tall, 250 pound fiance was trying to eat just 20 points a day for 3 days. poor, poor guy.
5) i have less than 4 months until my wedding. it's starting to hit me more and more that i'm getting married and i really cannot fucking wait. not because i necessarily want to be a wife, or that i want the security or whatever, but i just cannot wait to be married to tim. i know that's all sappy and cliche but it's going to be so nice to come home to tim, my husband, my best friend, and know that we have progressed in this partnership. hell yeah.
6) i yawned today, and i lifted my tongue as i did, and i think i burst something in my tongue cos i felt this horrific pain on the underside of it, which then moved up my neck into my head. i thought i was dying. i was prepared to write a ghostly farewell letter to tim. i probably just strained some weird muscle that i didn't know existed.
7) i cannot wait to watch the new "24".

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